7-26-21
Saturday, I was having a conversation with my brother about what a relationship and intimacy was supposed to look like. At the end of the conversation, we together let God give us a word that would be connected somehow. I heard the phrase “Date Me”. I then stumbled upon a notification that I might be interested in dating Jesus that a group (I was not part of) was having and having a date night in just two hours from when I saw the email notification from FB. Now keep in mind that I basically cut many things and friends out this past week including FB to focus on Jesus and find different ways for me to try to see what he says about me, the trauma-based identity, and complex stress and decisions regarding the divorce I am in.
I had also practiced putting aside formal type prayers and learned to sit on the couch while he sat in the chair across from me and have out loud casual friend-type conversation. This was huge trying to break a legalistic religion-type mentality. I had told him and also shared with someone else that I wanted to start preparing food (snacks etc) and beverages (coffee preferably) for him to share with me.
So after finding (being led), connecting, and listening last night in this group it was confirmation. Confirmation that he would take me on a journey of learning relationship and dating, free from what I have always known and feared.
Fast forward I get up Sunday morning and just took time relaxing, sitting, and enjoying the idea of just dating Jesus or realizing this deeper revelation of truly having a friend. His voice was so clear again as he said let’s go on a date. What?! Really?! I got so excited. I put on makeup and dressed my face up a bit. I never wear makeup! I felt so special and pretty. The last time I put makeup on was for a court hearing a few years ago.
I was also anxious as I never do anything or go anywhere by myself so since it’s just me I rarely leave my apartment. I replied back “okay, but you have to keep me safe and give me courage.” That he did! I asked him where we were going. He knew I wanted to see the ghost plant or Indian pipe flowers. I had never seen them before but heard they were out and blooming.
I connect so much through creation. The beauty of it all is my love language. We drove north about 10 minutes to an environmental education park. I made sure to pack some snacks and water for us both and buckle him in the passenger seat of my car. I took my camera and everywhere I looked there was an element of beauty and detail in so many things. I am not sure how many pictures I took today. I played some music that focused on him as a father or his goodness. I could feel his hand touch my shoulder at times and say here look at this. I got to pet a bumblebee watch butterflies flutter in the prairie. The walk would continue to lead us to the forest area where I expressed to him how much I wanted to find the ghost plant flowers. He replied, “I know, just keep listening and watching. I will point them out.” He didn’t disappoint. I should have asked to not be kissed and loved by so many mosquitoes. We shared so much casual conversation back and forth.
We eventually finished the walk and headed back to the car, where I retrieved the waters and snacks as he pointed out a bench for us to go sit down for a while. We had the best time. He told me he enjoyed our time. He treated me so special. He enjoyed what I enjoyed and without criticism or mockery of my excitement. We laughed, we cried, we talked, we shared, and simply put just enjoyed each other's company. He kept expressing to me in so many ways how special I was and how much he just simply enjoyed me and my date time with him. I expressed it back as well. It is so hard to just put it into words. I could hear and feel just like I would imagine I could see, hear, and feel a close friend or relative. It was so genuine.
We would eventually leave and he told me to turn right to go up the road a ways to a spot at the lake I have enjoyed at the local state park. Typically I would turn left to go home. I was again so glad I did. I captured more photos and even got some beautiful photos of some swallowtail butterflies. I noticed some very unique birds nest made underneath the bridge overpass. We would eventually rest a few minutes watching the sailboats and listening to the water lap the shoreline. We would finish our walk by taking another walk into the woods.
As we were finishing our walk (still in the woods) I shared how much I enjoyed the day and our time together. How loved and appreciated I felt. How much fun it was having someone to share time with that enjoyed what I enjoyed. Just as we were getting ready to leave the woods he says look down. There was the brightest red-topped heart-shaped mushroom! A little beyond that was a brown-shaped mushroom. Two hearts of love in his fingerprint and plan for our beautiful day.
I cannot tell you when the last time I enjoyed my day let alone by myself; but not really because I was on a date with Jesus.
