The Master Quilter

The Master Quilter

10-12-2020

The other day I got this picture in my mind as I was engaging in a conversation with someone.  It has really continued to stay at the front of my mind.  I got this picture of a quilt.  I could see just a glimpse of what the finished quilt may look like, but oh so briefly.  What I ended up seeing more of was the many pieces of fabric.  Many of them seemed to be held in a container of some sort.  What I ended up hearing and realizing was simply this.  “You must give me the fabric pieces, so I can piece the quilt together to finish the work I started.”

So many things in our life represent the pieces of fabric needed to make a beautiful quilt.  Some of those pieces represent memories, circumstances, decisions, control, as well as many other things.  We hang onto them.  We hold them and maybe even put them on the shelf for a period.  If all we do is hold the pieces of fabric in our container or our hands, it will never be able to be used as part of a beautiful masterpiece in the quilt artistry.  We must be willing to let go of those pieces and hand them over to the master quilter.  We must allow him to piece and stitch things together.  We must be willing to allow him to trim the frayed edges and loose threads.  We must truly relinquish control and go through the necessary steps and process in order to become a unique and beautifully crafted masterpiece that can be used as well as tell of his wondrous handiwork.

One of my favorite verses is Jeremiah 29:11 says, “For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord.  “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.”  He has the design of our quilt already planned.  A quilt that serves to offer hope of his goodness.  A quilt cannot serve its useful purpose if the pieces are not handed over.  God’s plans for our life are limited if we do not hand ourselves over to his will and ways for our life.

Another one of my favorites that seems to fit this quilt says this in Philippians 1:6. And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.  He will be faithful to work the quilt of our life and one day, when we meet him face to face we will see the wondrous beauty of his finished product of our life.  What we are willing to hand over and give him determines the finished product and size of our quilt.  All those unused pieces we try to hold onto, that he could not use and trim while we are here on earth are pieces of our quilts story.  Those unused pieces may represent those questions God asks us when we meet him face to face.

Those extra worn fabric pieces, those stained fabric pieces, those brand-new vibrant pieces, are we willing to let our exhaustion, our hurts, and failures, our most treasured possessions keep him from the much larger finished quilt he has for us?

To be honest, I am struggling to give up some of the pieces that involve trusting his timing and healing for my life.  Health issues have been quite a struggle lately affecting many things.  I find myself exhausted wanting to cling to my pieces of the quilt rather than hand them over to trust his process.  I cry because the pieces are worn and stained, and I sometimes simply cannot see the beauty of such pieces being part of a beautiful quilted masterpiece.  The reality is he wants to take my frustration, and tear-stained exhausted pieces and blanket me with his love.  He wants to wrap me in the quilt of his love he is piecing together just for me.  I just need to be willing to let go and give it all to him.  All the quilt pieces of life.

Crossing The Old Worn Bridge

Crossing the Old Worn Bridge

 10-7-2020

Yesterday as I was in worship in my quiet time, I got this vision of an old worn wooden plank bridge.  I have gotten recent words and impressions about bridges prior as little nuggets being dropped along my path for me to pick up.  This was a vision with a very clear word not only for the season many of us may find ourselves in but should be for every day.  Let’s explore it together.

I found myself wandering and talking as I was taking this walk with what seemed to be a field with some trees and somewhat of a sparse forest ahead.  The conditions for my walk seemed to be that of a partly cloudy day.  It wasn’t sunny, but it certainly was not overcast and gloomy.  Up ahead I could see this stream cut through the field in which I was walking.  As I got closer, I got a glimpse of this old worn wooden plank bridge, that looked as if it had many feet walk across as well as weathered many different storms and weather conditions.  I was drawn to what was on the other side of the bridge.  It just seemed to glow as the sun was so vibrant beaming its light through the trees. 

I paused and pondered whether I wanted to cross this well-worn bridge that seemed to be in need of some new planks.  I could hear God saying so clear:

 “Come closer into my presence.”

 I tried state my concerns about crossing such a worn bridge. 

“There’s peace in my presence.”

 Yes, I can see that, I would reply.  Getting over there is difficult.  That’s not a shallow stream.  It’s trenches and banks seem steep.

“Do you trust me?”

Ugh, yes.  Alright, I am struggling to trust with what my eyes see in front of me.

“Remember Peter?”

Why yes, I remember that story well.

“As long as he looked up and focused on me, he had nothing to fear.  It was when he looked down at the circumstances in front of him, that he ran into trouble.  Do you trust me?”

Yes, I trust you.

“You’re in my presence, but sometimes I will call you further into my presence, but you need to understand what that requires.  Many will only acknowledge and come so far into my presence.  This can grieve me as I want and have so much more for them.  Coming closer may require some repair work of the bridge I am asking you to cross.  Coming closer may be dealing with the old rusty spikes holding the boards together that are still painful memories.  Coming closer may be the rotted wood of destructive sin areas that remain in your life.  Coming closer may be dealing with the broken and splintering planks that are weak in your journey with me.  Coming closer may be those missing boards of loved ones or burdens I have placed on your heart that I am calling you to interceded and build the missing planks that connects this bridge to my heart.  Are you willing to come closer?”

As I paused, I picked my head up from the view of the bridge and looked at the sun that was shining so bright as if it was calling and drawing me closer.  With a deep sigh and breath, I said yes, I am ready.  Please help me to trust you where I seem to lack trust.

I would then find myself now kneeling down at the beginning of the worn bridge in not only worship, but repentance, and intercession.  I was placing some of the nuggets I would pick up along the way, to find the tools I would need to evaluate and repair the bridge in front of me.

It got quiet for a few moments as he left me prepare and ponder, my response to his request.  He had something else to share, but this time a bit more of a warning.  “Remember I said only some will be willing to come so far into my presence?  They miss so much of my goodness, healings, and miracles, provisions, and peace that are found by surrendered obedience to my request of coming closer into my intimate presence.  Those that are willing to allow me to remove the old broken planks of demonic spirits, addictions, and sins are allowing me to help them fix this broken bridge that draws them closer into my intimate presence.  It’s not an easy or preferred journey, but necessary in order to be drawn closer to my heart and your head on my chest as you listen to my heartbeat for you.  Unfortunately, some prefer to only go so far and are afraid to leave their familiar and comfort of their old ways.  It saddens me that they will miss all the best things I have for their life.  Where I call you will not be easy, but I promise my presence never leaves, and better awaits the closer you come closer to me.  Are you still willing to come closer, even when it is painful?”

Yes, I am!  Show me the beauty in the process of the worn boards and rusty spikes.  Remind me of the beauty that always continues to rise from the ashes.  Remind me of the dust you use, with the living water of yourself you use to form a beautiful vessel.  Yes, I am ready.  I know that if I slip and fall you will pick me back up and put me back on the bridge that leads me closer to you.

Baptism Service Recap

 Baptism Recap

10-2-20

    

Last night I was given the most beautiful experience by choosing to follow a path of obedience to what I knew my father wanted me to do.  The process leading to the experience did not come without resistance and a game of tug of war between God and Satan.  I briefly explained how I was feeling numb, yet I could sense things on both sides of me.  The closer the opportunity came I could feel them moving and the opposition pulling me in two different directions. 

I had been going through the week with frustrations to health issues and this feeling of numbness that was almost leaving me with no spiritual hunger or feeling.  It was not a feeling I liked or could appreciate.  It became a war all its own.  Again, though I knew God was calling me to baptism.  I had such a strong feeling of what I knew it was to represent and what the process was to look like for me.  It was not so much this outwardly expression to those who would watch, but this choice of choosing to be dipped and cleansed at a deeper level under the anointed washing water of the Holy Spirit.   I had to choose to put myself in the hands of the process.  I had to face this fear of being submerged in water, where I had to choose to relinquish control and complete trust in someone else.  I had to release this hidden fear of water submerging that I held.

I look back on the day and as I watched so many pieces of the puzzle come together, it was only a puzzle that God could orchestrate.  I had this picture of how I thought the plan was supposed to work despite all the opposing forces.  I had arrangements to have a ride with a friend and was going to push through in riding along for obedience no matter how I felt.  At what would seem like a last-minute change God still had a plan and a purpose that I could not see.  He had to challenge and expose yet another area of my heart that I was in, amid this struggle.  Disappointment, frustration, defeat, guilt, and a few others came charging in through a cracked door.  I had texted my really good friend to express a few my feelings,  As I tried to process all this diverse amount of thoughts, I text her again, asking her to give me a call to help me process the deepest feeling of the fact I felt like I let Satan win, for what I could not seem to control.  I was struggling so much health-wise that day, I knew it would not be safe for me to travel and travel alone an hour away.

While I was dealing with my thoughts and emotions and while talking with my friend about my feelings, God was at work.  He was passionately pursuing the very thing he was calling me to do.  The game of tug of war intensified and God was not backing down.  I just had to be willing to continue to say yes father and pull harder to your will for my life. 

As I was on the phone with my dear friend, I received a message from another friend who I was only getting to know through Facebook.  I had never physically met her.  Her message basically said she heard I was looking and needing a ride to the service that night.  I melted in tears to my other friend on the phone through the intense fog as I could see God’s pursuit of his plan.  I welcomed the ride and trusted my friend who I was on the phone with who played a part in setting it all up.  I trusted the process and realized I was seeing how my heart was continually being healed as I accepted to get in a car as a passenger for an hour one way for someone I had not yet physically met.  Those that know me, know this is not of my character or within my comfort zone.

I came to learn that she had only found out about the baptism just a few hours prior by running into Kevin in Walmart.  I find this funny as I do not like much about Walmart and could be found to question what good things can come from Walmart.  Let me answer that.  God!  God will set things up in the most unlikely of places as pieces of a much bigger divine plan.

As my friend prepared to go that evening, she had a question and had tried to reach out to Kevin who was unavailable, so she reached out to his wife, Amy.  Amy had just learned from me the change in my plans and the disappointment that I was wrestling with.  Had she been able to reach Kevin, my need for a ride would not have been known.  The pieces had to fit together just right for God’s picture to be revealed of his passionate love and pursuit for me.

My friend picked me up and the next hour would continue to be such a beautiful thing.  I started off struggling to communicate due to intense brain fog.  I had to continue to place my trust for strength and clarity for what I was to receive by my act of obedience to what I was being called to do.  I ended up sharing my testimony story with her as she drove.    The further we went and the more I shared about the love and goodness of what God was doing in my life through the wonderful people he is placing in it, I noticed the brain fog lift and my conversation became clear.  Another element and realization of the war I was in.  The more I continued to follow the choice the father was calling me in, I was being released from the opposition.  It was losing its power on me.  A victory release was on the horizon.

We arrived and found a place to park and I would still find myself wrestling with some anxiety I had been dealing with about the process as well as being in an unfamiliar environment.  As we approached, I hadn’t noticed it much until I walked in the door of the church, but the atmosphere was changing.  As soon as I stepped in, I could feel the presence of the Holy Spirit that had already made Himself at home as he settled in and blanketed the area for all who walked through the doors.  He so beautifully prepared the place and people for what he was about to do that night.

There seemed to be no hesitation in the atmosphere and the anointing of the worship.  I honestly have to say, it was almost hard to explain.  As the one song was being played and sang, I broke into tears over the mere thought as the words would penetrate my heart.  “You’re the Alpha and Omega…”  I was stuck and froze on the concept of that phrase.  The idea of the beginning and the end.  I got this vision of a single egg illuminated in an ovary of a mother’s womb.  I was reminded of his beautiful process of how he brings us into his beginning of our life and a glimpse of his ending.  As I watched this single illuminated egg follow this path that would lead to the Omega symbol, I realized the symbol was that of a gated entrance to heaven.  The only opening in the symbol would be the part that would be on a path's edge much like that of an arbor.  I could see the radiance of what appeared to be glorious heaven beyond the symbol.  I was reminded of this one-way in.  As I tried to once again wrap my thoughts into this glorious vision, I felt myself wondering, but God how does it fit into you are the Alpha and Omega when the vision seemed to start as me in the form of an egg.  It was simple.  He gently spoke I delicately formed that egg.  It started with me and my plan.  The omega shows you a glimpse of the last of my eternal plan to live in heaven with me.  I was so captivated by this mere thought of love and passion of father who included me and you into his beginning and end into his Alpha and Omega.

As I found myself leaving this captivating vision and re-engaging in worship, I would be caught in several other encounters.  One which seemed to happen several times.  That one was feeling his presence so close to me I could feel the breeze and air of him putting a glorious robe down over my head and letting it drape my body as he was clothing me in his pure and beautiful presence.  The first one my friend said she saw the angel beside me.  I later learned the fragrance that I was smelling (I thought should come from the soap I used on my hands but didn’t) was the fragrance of the flower petals this angel was tossing on and around me.  I thought about this beautiful moment late last night as I realized it was symbolic of his lavish love and royalty for me.  I could almost picture it as that of one preparing the walkway for a bride.  The romantic aroma of the flower petals in celebration of the bride and the bridegroom.  Oh, how he celebrates us.

One other pivotal vision I experienced during worship was when the anointing fell upon one of the worship leaders as an intercession for worship was occurring.  As I was taking it all in, I watched a large number of angels’ release from and make their way throughout the sanctuary as they walked and flew above and among the people.  You could feel them and feel their light breeze blow as they would pass by or over you.

I would learn that many were being healed and touched just merely from the presence of the Holy Spirit just in the worship alone.  What a way to prepare for a message on forgiveness, shame, and guilt.  God would use that message to have me look at some things in my heart I had been wrestling with recently as part of the preparation for baptism. 

I was standing back somewhat observing simply for the fact I was wrestling within myself that this was going to be a life-changing experience and I had to be ready to take another deep level of commitment of being all for the one I was finding such love for.  I was feeling intimidated and doubt.  Yet I knew Satan was going to still keep trying clear up to the last minute in whatever way he could.  As I noticed Kevin look and wait for the next person, he spotted me and called me out to take my turn.  Ugh!  The butterflies that would rise as I realized there was no turning back.  I had so many things run through my head as I would make my way up and into the baptismal.  Kevin, spoke a few words about the opportunity of knowing me for the past two years and the transformation he has got to watch take place.  The key moment of when he first met me or more less saw me, I had a knife and pepper spray in my hand ready to take out anyone who dare come near.  The steps and processes that would take place as he got to be part of taking me through deliverance, watching my life grow and transform, to now have the honor and privilege to be the one to baptize me.  It was such a divine plan by God.  As I came back up out of the water, trying to catch my breath from the vision, yet this last unhinged anxiety release over my issue with water submersion (out of my control) I felt but for a moment disconnected yet I was still captivated by glimpses of the vision I seen as I went down and came up.

I have always wrestled with the assurance of my faith, as well as heaven.  So much stemming from years of legalism.  I knew this baptism was a portion of a deeper pursuant run after Jesus.  It was also a cleansing process by which is the blood that was shed this water, would represent the washing away of those things that would yet try to remain.  As I went down and came back up, I was taken into another complete different realm, where I found myself facing the heavenly and the Omega as I saw the brightest most brilliant clouds and Jesus standing there with his arms outstretched as I heard him say run to me and after me.  It was this radiant call of pursuit.  It seemed like so much happened in such a pivotal time as I felt like I lost another block of time, from being caught up and wrapped in the love and assurance of my father’s love. 

There ended up being one more key thing that happened while I was in the baptismal.  Someone had stepped up to the edge and wanted to speak something to me.  As she began to speak it was like I watched a blind being pulled because the father had one more moment and word for me.  I broke down in tears with what probably seemed like a connection to what was being said, but it was what the father drew me into to say to my heart.  On this blind, that was drawn and I had this feeling of being in a soundproof room, I would see the word “passionate” displayed on this blind.  I later realized this room I was drawn into was one that I had been familiar with many years ago from time spent in a psychiatric hospital.  He momentarily took me back to this room as a way of healing and releasing another area of my heart.  That area that still had some hidden connected feelings that he was giving new meaning and life into. 

It was different as he would say ‘I am passionately in love with you.”  Those words would break me as I had developed a deeper sense of safety and peace in his presence.  Nothing of the outside world would be able to enter this representation of safety.   What love of a father that would pull you closer to show you something far greater.  

As I watched anther baptism occur with someone I know, I witnessed a completely different vision and one I honestly have to say I would have ever expected.  This young man on fire for the things of Jesus came out of the water being delivered.  He came out of the water shaking and convulsing under the power of deliverance and the Holy Spirit.  As I watched this occur, I saw the layers of this heavy metal armor being ripped by pieces off him.  I knew it was the hand of God taking away the heavyweight of an old armor of protection that he was carrying.  I ended up sharing with him what I saw and felt God saying.  The old armor was heavy and cumbersome.  It represented protection from past things.  But God’s armor is much lighter, more effective, and will always be what he needs for any battle. 

Towards the end of the baptism line of people, I watched this young girl get baptized and being set free in the baptismal.  I ended up seeing this snake that was weakening and loosening itself from her and then finally releases and vanishes.  It still gives me chills to see so many beautiful details packed into last night.  Deliverance and freedom are such beautiful things as you realize the depths of love God has for freeing those he loves.  He is so passionate to adopt his children to love, nurture, and create beautiful masterpieces to put on display for his glory.

We had such another wonderful drive home with wonderful conversation, and I was so blessed to better know my new friend and God’s beautiful plan for the day.  It was late and we were both quite tired.  I would eventually find my way into bed, and my mind continually replaying what seemed like a clip of a movie.  I would wake in the middle of the night around 2:00am as God was waking me up intermittently to finish showing me bits and pieces to all that had played out.  The final pieces in place and I would wake this morning in such praise, adoration, and song.  I was fatigued but minimal fog.  He assured me he would help me accomplish what needed to be accomplished with one condition.  I had to be flexible to his plan and order of the day.  It would seem like I kept jumping from thing to thing or back and forth, but because I let my father tell me what to do when and what breaks were needed at what times from certain activities, I was surprised yet grateful at was accomplished.  Even the little things make a difference in our learning to “Let Go, Let God”.  Those  “Be Still and Know” moments.

10-4-20 Update

I am going to add a correction to this post.  I removed what I felt God needed me to remove.  I want to say, our father loves us so much that he will show us when we miss something or share something that is not part of his reflection.  I was humbled by how, who, and what he used to show a lesson in Satan's deceptive ways.  How our perception or view of something can be missed or mispresented that may not be of our father.  

As I pause my thoughts I am reminded of the saying the greater the call God has for your life, the greater the warfare of Satan.  He sure kept trying even after he lost.  Even though he lost at the game of tug of war, he kept trying to see if one end of my rope was still available.  It is so important to be aware and mindful and keep it a prayer for God to discern or redirect what would not be of him as well as be open to correction.

I was gently put in a place to view something that caused me to look in the mirror and see a glimpse of myself.  I realized how often, the real heart of who I was could be missed by others' perception of me and what they saw, but they may not have really known about me.  How satan can form and present thoughts and visions himself that reflect something much different than what the true reality may be for an individual or ourselves.  Our human ability sees so much from the outside and easily leans to perception and an assumption of what we see.  Only that individual like myself in times of life only knows along with God the depths of pain and truth that Satan may misconstrue differently or try to get us to see.  I was reminded by a loving father to be careful of what I say and present for a situation I never walked or had direct contact or experience with involving the life of another.  

How many times I wanted granted to me that same thing, and here it is, he let me look in the mirror for a self-evaluation He sees beyond what we see or what Satan may want us to see.  Some things are not ours to always interpret or present.  I am in awe of the love and correction of a father who always seeks to refine and purify us.  Who loves us enough to correct us so that he is reflected and beauty continues to arise and shine through all of his children.  

Grace In The Fire

 

9-25-20

 

Grace In The Fire

This morning I was reminded of when Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-Nego were cast into a fire for not conforming to the king’s standards and commands.  There is a whole different lesson here, but I want to focus on the fact of the choice God made and allowed to happen in this situation.  Instead of removing them from the fire, or removing the fire from them, He joined them in the fire.  There are probably several reasons for this account.  He was strengthening their character in difficult times.  He was using this to display his miraculous power.  He was also using it to show his grace and his presence with them through what could have been the most difficult circumstance they had endured in their life.  This is the concept that led me to further delve into God really trying to help me in the understanding of his grace.

Maybe we have not really been placed in the fire, but we have been forced to stand at the fire’s edge and face the fire.  We feel the heat.  We feel the resistance to step and turn away, or back far enough away to not feel its intense effects.  Maybe we feel like we are actually in a fire with no way out or in a place where we see the fire burning around us and we may feel trapped and wonder if we too, will be found in the fire.  There are truly so many ways or circumstances that can leave us feeling the burn or the heat of the fire. 

In Daniel 3 when Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-Nego were in the fire, they were found to not be found in the fire alone.  They were found to no longer being bound by evil intentions.  They were found to be free and walking around.  They were found to be accompanied by no other than God himself.  They knew the God they served.  They knew he was with them.  They knew of his power.  God didn’t remove the fire, or remove them from the fire, He joined them in the fire.  Think about this again, from a point of grace. 

Pausing to look more into the definition/s of grace from dictionary.com: 

noun

elegance or beauty of form, manner, motion, or action:

a pleasing or attractive quality or endowment:

favor or goodwill.

a manifestation of favor, especially by a superior:

mercy; clemency; pardon:

favor shown in granting a delay or temporary immunity.

an allowance of time after a debt or bill has become payable granted to the debtor before suit can be brought against him or her or a penalty applied:

Theology.

the freely given, unmerited favor and love of God.

the influence or spirit of God operating in humans to regenerate or strengthen them.

a virtue or excellence of divine origin:

Also called state of grace. the condition of being in God's favor or one of the elect.

moral strength:

verb (used with object), graced, grac·ing.

to lend or add grace to; adorn:

to favor or honor:

to grace an occasion with one's presence.

 

I want to pause and just think about how many but different ways we see grace in this fire encounter. 

1.           God saw the beauty of the situation
2.           God saw the beauty and favor of the three men and their obedience
3.           He favored them but also chose to join them
4.          He granted mercy, by freeing them and protecting them in the fire
5.           He displayed his unmerited love not only to Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-Nego, but also to the king
6.           His presence and influence strengthened who the men were in him.  The fire experience took them to a higher level of God’s excellence in their life.  Excellence is not perfection but reaching an improvement of character and favor.
7.           His presence showed how much he adored, favored, and loved them.
8.           His presence, favor, and love not only was with Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-Nego but also with the king.  He showed mercy and favor that the king did not deserve.  There was no level or time to find a level of perfection in hopes to earn God’s favor.  It was used to bring him to acknowledgment and repentance.

After thinking about these thoughts, I was taken to a verse God has been keeping at the front of my mind, but this time to show me something different.  2 Corinthians 12:9 (familiar verse) says, Each time he said, “My grace is all you need.  My power works best in weakness.”  I am quite sure, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-Nego might have had weak knees.  They made a choice not to let their feelings and weakness of feelings to change what they chose to believe in who they knew God was.  God was making them stronger in the fire.  They had a confidence and gift of faith in the God they served.  They chose to face with boldness, courage, and strength.  They did not let fear, or doubt whether God would deliver them change their belief in the God, they served (no matter if it did possibly give them weak knees so to say).  God strengthened them in the fire to prepare them for their next assignment.  God’s grace was all they needed.  In probably trembling knees they waited on God.  He renewed their strength to a level of excellence.  They mounted up walking in and out of the fire freely and unburned or smoked.  (Isaiah 40:31).

I have recently been finding myself facing the edge of the fire while dealing with some health flare-ups/ relapses.  Wrestling with feeling defeated and discouraged while standing at the fire’s edge.  There have been days I was unable to do anything within my own strength.  I would see my day as being wasted and consumed by the smoke and fog in my brain.  There was nothing I could do in those moments to try to earn God’s grace or favor.  He says in Ephesians 2:8 God saved you by his grace when we believed (not felt).  And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God.  My ability to accomplish things or have desired perfection in my thoughts could not and would not change how much God’s adored thoughts toward me.  On my worst days, he says look at my child with who I am very pleased with.  He was saying that in Matthew 3 about Jesus.  However, when we make the choice to become part of his family, we too are his children and he is very pleased with us.  On our days, when disappointment, discouragement, frustration, all set in He looks down and says how much favor and adoration he has for us.  It is in our weakest moments, that if we just pause and just choose to pick up our head with confidence we can see and receive mercy and grace in our struggles and fire.  The king could not help but see the confidence God gave Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-Nego and he too received God’s mercy and grace.   Trust in the Lord.  Find your strength in him (even in the fire).  He is preparing you for your next assignment to excellence and soaring high like eagles with him.  He wants us to pick up our head and see him in the fire with us because his presence never leaves nor forsakes and abandons us. (Is 40:31)   He says I have all you need, and my favor, love, and adoration are upon you.  Be strong through the grace that God gives you in Christ Jesus. 2 Timothy 2:1

Joy In The JOurneY

 9-6-2020

God is so good!  I was able to do something today that I have not been able to do in several years.  I was able to walk the furthest I have walked.  I was able to go hiking with a friend.  Not one trail, but three!  I am not only proud of myself, but so proud of living out God’s healing and testimony in my life.  I am regaining my life in so many ways.  He took a mess and is writing a message.  He takes broken pieces and creates masterpieces.  I am one of those who get to live out a life of his redemption, love, and healing in so many areas of my life.  I am one of those that pain has a purpose and a promise for his plan.

I remember so clearly God telling me that he was going to healing me in layers.  How nice it would be for it to all come at once?  By him taking me through this layering process so much more has happened as a result.  Not only in physical healing, but heart, and emotional healing as well.  He says in Jer 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper not to harm.  Plans to give you hope and a future.  We may not always see or understand God’s plan.  We may not even like it at times, but it is all necessary for the greater good of his plan for our life.

It was 6 months ago, I was still walking with a wheeled walker.  I remember being at a night of worship with some friends, as I said to my one friend, I want to walk so bad I can almost taste it.  She said let’s do it!  As she took my hands to steady me, walking backward as I took steps to walk forwards, I started in faith and prayer taking the first steps to claim healing in my ability to walk again.  There had been some bumps in the road, but I held onto the promise and never gave up, what I knew God set out and was doing in my life concerning this area.  A month ago, I could only reach around 2000 steps a day.  Two weeks ago, I managed to walk a little over 4000 steps.  Today, I went well over 8000 steps.  I am feeling it, but feeling it never felt so good.  It stirred things up, but faith and healing are not based on feelings, but clinging and be grateful for the promises of God. 

If I could offer one thing in a quote/s I like so well, and it is this.  I am not where I am going, but I am not where I was.  Rearview mirrors are only to view how far you have come, not windshields to view your past.  Your life and/ or your health may seem like nothing but shattered pieces, but God…  There is JOY in the JOurneY and you are in the middle.  You are not where you were, and you are not where you are going.  Stop.  Take in the beauty of the lessons and gifts he has for you along the way.  Don’t be afraid of those he may remove because he has someone better.  I have lost many friends and relationships, but I am even more grateful at the ones he has in my life now.  Flowers are not so beautiful when they get choked out by the weeds.  The weeding process may be painful, but it beautifies the garden God is growing through you.  Enjoy the journey and praise along the way.

Caught In The Web

9-2-2020

I have to admit this post is not coming easy to write and comes with much procrastination on my part.  It all started as my attention was drawn to a spider who has a web outside my window.  I found it interesting to watch how quickly the spider rushed to securely wrap its prey in the web.  It can be seen as the black dots on the picture.  I love to watch and see the intricate details of things in God's creation and what there may be to learn from such observations.  It seemed I was given this vision almost immediately that I found somewhat troubling.  I asked God what is it you are showing me and telling me.  If you ask him, don't be surprised by his answer whether you like it or not.  I admit I don't like this one, yet I am not surprised.  I think sometimes those hard things he shows us can easily take us in the wrong direction if we let it.  It has for me at least.  That is not part of his plan.  These things are meant to grow us, stretch us, force dependence on his truths, and find spiritual balance in our lives.

So back to the vision and the different key aspects he showed me concerning the spider and its web.  This may come as a harsh reality, but I want it to be a warning for my own heart and soul as well as for others who may need this.  

How many times do we really see spider webs without first noticing maybe the things that may be trapped in them, the dew resting on them, or eye captured glisten from the sun hitting it just right, or maybe from the spider itself?  The vision I saw was so many walking into the spider's web of deception by their view on other things around them.  Before they know, the spider scurries down the web from hiding to wrap them and bind them in the entanglement of lies and deception.  Unless someone steps up with the skills to save the spider's victim by tearing away the web of lies and demonic deception, they succumb to their own death.

In my asking God what all this was supposed to tell me, he gave me some very clear warnings and pictures of what is going on along with some verses he pointed me to.  

We are now living amongst the spiders.  We have watched the eggs hatch and more spread out around us.  We see the spiders but have become blinded to watch for some of their webs they are making before us.  God is calling for us to pull out his light of truth to illuminate the deceptive webs that will entangle us.  Isaiah 59 gives us a clear picture of what is before us.  In verses 5-6 it says 

They hatch deadly snakes and weave spiders’ webs. Whoever eats their eggs will die; whoever cracks them will hatch a viper. 

6 Their webs can’t be made into clothing, and nothing they do is productive. All their activity is filled with sin, and violence is their trademark. 

We see so much of this going on and sadly we are seeing it in the churches.  We are falling into the web of fear and lies and choosing to eat and partake of the dictated menu before us instead of the meat of truth of God's word.  The government has told churches and people to cower in fear and not look for the webs being placed in front of them that will capture their freedoms to worship and preach God's truths.  The government has made you a dinner it wants you to eat filled with mind-altering poison  One bite of their poisonous eggs that were eaten and we watched vipers and spiders being released at a rapid and destructive rate.  However, many are still choosing to be caught in the web of fear for the sake of the gospel.  Many are choosing to be caught in the web of deception and lies laid before us.  If we don't start picking up our flashlight of God's truths to illuminate the webs being made rapidly before us, we will be caught in the entanglement of their plan only to be eaten by the spider satan himself.  Many will be caught in this web who proclaim Christianity but will succumb to death of a mark from falling prey to a web of lies and deception.  Churches and Christians God is calling you to not get caught in these webs, but to go out with your light and sword and start standing in the truths of his word, cutting away the web of lies and deception entangling others with his love and truth to save others from the death trap of the spider's web.  

In Job 8:14 says What they trust in is fragile; what they rely on is a spider’s web.  What are we trusting?  What are we relying on?  Are we trusting the fragility of life and government?  Are we relying on the deceptive lies of the spider's web being set before us?  

Isaiah 22:2 says Stop trusting in mere humans, who have but a breath in their nostrils. Why hold them in esteem?

John 14:1 “Don’t let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, and trust also in me.

Psalm 62:8 Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.

Psalm 56:11  In God I trust and am not afraid. What can man do to me?

If we say we trust in God, then what are we fearing and teaching others to fear?  I believe God is not saying all of this to just me, but to others as well.  It is time to learn to really learn to stand and exercise God's truths and stand up.  Time to turn on our flashlights and not fear worship and church nor put restrictions for worship and church assembling.  Webs ensnare and separate and it is time to take down the webs, stand in the truth, and spread the light and truth of eternal life, not death.  

What is your wrestle?

8-13-2020

I am going to take a minute to just be real, but also maybe share encouragement for others having "one of those days" as well.

I woke around 2 in the morning with intense back pain that would keep me awake for an hour or two. I manage to go back to sleep to wake with a horrific migraine that I fought all day to control and baby along. I would then be presented with one thing after another that would only turn out to be a disappointment. The intense anxiety I dealt with would dare to have a contest staring me in the face. My rights as an individual would be challenged and still are.

How many times do we seem to get a breakthrough on something for satan to come beating on the back door to see if we will open the door for him? He will peer around and stare you down at any open window to see if he can get your attention. The sheer moments feeling the heaviness of the air of disappointment and challenges that can just take your breath away if you let it.

I would simply find myself being reminded to rest in the presence of the father who says he has all things in control. Even our challenges, disappointments, and frustrations. Even those things that may have to cause life-altering decisions in the near future. I would be reminded of some verses he kept bringing me back to read.

Ephesians 6:12 says For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.

Who is it and what is it I am fighting? Not my circumstances, but the principalities and forces that would try to distract and cause me to crumble. Hence the next passage I have been standing on all day in I Peter 5:8-11 that says Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour. 9 Stand firm against him, and be strong in your faith. Remember that your family of believers[a] all over the world is going through the same kind of suffering you are.

10 In his kindness, God called you to share in his eternal glory by means of Christ Jesus. So after you have suffered a little while, he will restore, support, and strengthen you, and he will place you on a firm foundation. 11 All power to him forever! Amen.

Stay Alert! Stand Strong and Firm in your faith. He will RESTORE and Strengthen you! He will place you on a firm foundation.

As I would find myself caught in the moments of heaviness and disappointment, I would just continue to make a choice to continue to keep the praise and worship music going and at times specifically choose songs that would allow me to soak and just get caught up in praising God for who he is in my life. It would be these moments that would provide a sense of grounding and a breath of fresh breathable air. I can't change what goes on in the world and most of what seems to go on in my life, but I can change what I choose to do to respond to those things. Will I stay stuck and weighed in the mud or will I rest in the mud and let myself be purified in the process of learning to rest in my father's presence while in the mud.

One thing the other night opened my eyes to is how many ways Satan will try to distract and divert our attention from the work and relationship God wants for our lives. Who or what am I wrestling or am I learning to rest and trust the process?

Take courage and stand strong my friends.

Tearing Down Walls

 

8-12-2020

Last night I had the opportunity to attend a special event through Ignite the Fire.  It took everything in me just to go.  I had been walking through a very difficult season spiritually and only recently began to find glimpses of just seeking and seeing God in the mud of life.  I had reached a point where I was deeply questioning and wrestling with my faith wondering how any of it was even connected and where I was going.  What was the end times going to look at and would I be guaranteed to make it.  I had reached a fork in the road.  I was left with a hard choice of holding on and seeking what I needed or taking another path that would have ultimately left in a position much worse than I had been in before.  

I had started remembering, seeing glimpses, and feeling snippets of encounters I experienced with God from before.  How could I forget and deny all that in such a difficult and dark season?  It was a wake-up call. One that I could not deny.  One that had through one encounter with Satan himself left me paralyzed with fear.  So paralyzed I knew how very real the forces of good and evil were.  One that left me paralyzed to consider traveling the other road that would initially seem easy to travel.  The road I knew I had to travel had a gap like that of a deep trench, valley, or gorge.  If I was to take such a road, how was I supposed to cross the gap?  I was burned out, exhausted, and absolutely done in every sense of the word.  I found myself just in this brutal face to face real encounters with God.  I was angry.  I was scared.  I was confused.  I was many things all mixed up in one bag of a mess that I could no longer carry, nor had tools and energy to find a way to bridge the gap.  Doors were closing with different things and I found myself even more isolated and confused.  Yet somehow, I knew it only seemed to be a transitional door.  Soon God led conversations and courage on my part to allow myself to be vulnerable to a few people.  He had already designed who would be needed to be intercessors through prayer.  They would be the boards or the planks that would build the bridge for me to continue on the right path that carries further freedom.

As this began to happen, and I found myself once again learning to be expressively honest with God and once again work on areas of repentance, he would continue to start unwrapping and exposing some things.  This spot is where he revealed that I was wrestling in the mud of life and adding to my own exhaustion from fighting the process.  I was allowing the weight of everything I kept tucking in my journey bag to weigh me down and suck me further into the mud pit.  It had become clear that God had placed me in the mud and I was missing the purpose of being there.  I am going to just insert what I previously wrote about the mud pit from Aug 5.

Lately, I have found myself wrestling in the mud of life. It is not a fun place to be for someone who desires things to be clean and orderly. As I began to ponder this realization, the need for pulling things out of the mud of my life that need to be cleaned up and to remove the weights that were weighing me down in the mud. God brought to mind there are benefits to time spent in the mud.

Mud draws out the impurities, exfoliates dead cells, relaxes sore muscles and joints, improves skin and skin conditions, relieves arthritic pain.

I began to realize it was as if God placed me in this mud for a reason. I can go with the process and reap its benefits or I can stay stuck and weighed down by the dirtiness of my life and the world around me. I have only been seeing the mud and not the benefits.

He wants to draw out the impurities of my life, remove the dead and sinful cells. He wants me to relax and trust in his process rather than fight it on my own. He wants to improve not only the inside of me from drawing out toxins but the outside of me that ultimately reflects Him. He wants nothing more than to ease and remove the pain and sting of life.

I get the sense that I am not the only one feeling the effects of the outside world and God is placing you in the mud to purify you as well. Is it easy? Absolutely not! I have failed at this miserably, I am not going to lie. I have got sucked into things, that have suffocated me because all I saw was the mud and circumstances. I am now left with allowing God to use the mud to do its work, and then pick myself up, wash myself off, and continuing forward.

I was recently reminded again of the passage in Ecclesiastes that reminds us there is a season and purpose for everything under heaven as well as Paul's reminder to not grow weary. We are to keep our eyes focused on the prize and the benefits of the difficult seasons. My prayer for today is that I can more clearly clear my eyes and regain more of the right focus.

Fast forward to last night.  As I mentioned earlier it took everything in me just to leave the house to go to the meeting with my friend.  Anxiety was causing panic attacks, nausea, headaches, chest pain, and you name it.  I had been wrestling with the idea for days and honestly was trying to find excuses to not go, yet I knew I should go.  I was torn and I was conflicted and now found myself in a position of being there and no way out.  We enter the lobby of the building and that would be as far as I could make it.  My friend Vickie tried to encourage me as well as one other lady there to go in.  All I could see was this wall I had to get through.  At one point while I am in tears Kevin came out to talk a few minutes and pray for me.  I was still paralyzed and gripped by fear, discouraged, and defeated.  After it had started I finally had mustered up the courage to find my way in and finding my way to the restroom first.  I would find a way through weakness and fear to find my way to my seat where I would sit through most of the worship, hypervigilant, and itchy while scratching at my skin from the intense amount of anxiety I was experiencing.  I wanted to run.  I wanted to hide.  I was too weak and too scared to do any of it.  I couldn't focus no matter how hard I tried.  Soon what would be the last song would begin just washing over me.  All I remember of the song was it said let your healing waters flow.  I started getting this sense of water flowing over me, while also starting to feel the air in the atmosphere change and blow through the room.  I was reaching a point, where Satan was losing and God was winning and breaking through to my heart.

As the song would play, I found myself scooting down to sit on the floor at my seat in the presence of God and find a way to close myself in with him.  He was reaching me and I was reaching back.  We were connecting.  After the song had finished there would be the harmonious and most angelic singing in the spirit.  The angels were there and voices and sounds blended in the most angelic way that you could not only hear but feel and see their presence.  This would go on for several minutes.  While I still was dealing with intense anxiety I was finally in a place of being able to start taking it all in.

The service then began to move into what was the most powerful yet unique experience I would ever see.  A line formed and one by one people would be anointed and prayed for by Lisa and Garret and then wade through the ankle-deep anointed water to Kevin on the other end who would also pray or release words over people.  I would sit and watch as one by one, people were being freed, touched, and healed by the power of God.  As the line seemed to near an end I mustered the courage to take a place at the end of the line.  Soon a few others would find a place behind me and I would step back out of the line from anxiety wondering if I would be able to try again.  I would sit and watch some more.  I was finally given one more chance as I would cautiously stand back and approach absolutely terrified out of my mind.  Fear was trying to blind me from the freedom that was about to take place.  This would be my moment of dealing with the stuff God was pulling from me in the mud.  He had been pulling stuff to the surface, now it was time to deal with what was no good and wash off what was valuable as he took me through this purifying process.

As I stepped up to receive prayer before entering the healing wading pool, God would begin to break and remove the junk.  There is not much I remember that was prayed the first round, but I got hit with the power and love of God, that was releasing all the anxiety and fear that had been blinding my view of God.  I in my own strength could not step into his realm, but he brought me into his realm.  He needed to do some heart surgery on the things that Satan was eating away at.  God would place me in a position for more that he was setting up for me to receive.  I never seem to have any concept of time when God puts me on his surgical table so to speak, but one thing I know is that there seemed to have been so much that took place as I tried to sit up and pull myself back together.  I was still weak and dizzy trying to come out of God's extra dose of anesthesia.  

Some time would pass and I once again had the privilege of watching others receive ministry and a touch from God.  I was given the opportunity to finish what I set out to do by walking through the healing pool.  As I stepped into the pool, I was immediately drawn to the warmth and comfort the water seemed to offer.  It was if, I could begin to feel my body draw in what God had to offer.  I remember I had one concern at one point and that was that I didn't want to fall as I was still feeling weak from the first encounter.  There was something about stepping into the pool that drew you into a different spiritual realm.  There was a holy presence and reverence in the pool.  It was as if there was no awareness of anything else around me and nothing else mattered.  That was so freeing to be in such a position to receive all that God had to offer in those moments.  I felt light, weak, and almost numb at times as I would stand there.  A feeling of walking on the clouds or the water and unable to steady my feet and body.  Every step taken and paused in the pool seemed to offer such different levels of healing and work as more things would continue to be extracted and released as God was releasing his oil and water over me.  Past trauma, its memories, and curses would be pulled away.  As this took place it was if I took a place on the side and watched the things leave from the back of my head.  I would see lightweight worn scraps of material, as well as some scraps of paper.  Some of the paper would have words, others would have pictures.  Everything seemed to represent something I watched it blow and fade into the distance until it could not be seen anymore.  There seemed to be so much, and I realized this was something I had longed for but wondered if I would ever experience.  The experience of the painful memories being gone with all of their details.  The words that were spoken, the visual reminders of events, and the cloth that seemed to represent tattered identity.  There was such a release in being able to release and have the weight of it released from me.  I saw the trauma bonding addiction links lay on the ground in the distance as I watched everything leave and I felt this sense of myself moving forward.

This was clearly one of those areas that had really grown with fear in my life due to some recurring triggers and situations.  Those events would bring all the trauma memories to the front.  Last night was the night for that to be broken once and for all.  I am not the identity of those events, but I am being formed into the identity of Christ.

There would be other moments of healing and God touching and healing my soul.  Satan wasn't done either.  He had tried once to distract with pain and wasn't successful.  His last and final trick up his sleeve was to cause blindness in my eyes and difficulty getting them to open or stay open.  Everything went black, I felt like I was snatched from a realm into a dark cave.  Fear came over.  Lisa and Garret were praying and Lisa was trying to calm me and get me to relax reminding me Satan was distracting and trying to stop my complete healing and freedom.  I don't recall or have a sense of how long it lasted, but I remember at one point trying to open my eyes and force them to focus.  At times I could only still see black.  I would begin seeing bright lights, then doubled blurred silhouettes of what appeared to be people.  Eventually, it all came back after what seemed to be such a terrifying moment.  That would lead to prayers over my home and apartment.  Anything that had entered to be removed.  I then said the bathroom as that had been the place where Satan and I had our encounter and his presence always seemed to hang.  As Garret would pray he could see it in the mirror.  I am not sure at what point but God pulled me back into his presence as the effects of that were being extracted and removed and God would let me rest with him and his angels.  While in that position, I saw the demon being pulled off the mirror like a gel cling sticker and as it became a spirit that would plummet headfirst out the bathroom window to a couple stories to the outside of the apartment below me.  I knew it was gone and gone for good.  It would be my place to walk it out moving forward.

I went as one person but left someone completely different.  I went as someone who had left fear of people re-enter as the state of the world and what hid behind the masks got to me and what was out of my control.  I failed to trust that God would have my back and always did even when the world is turned upside down.  I left fear slip in through a gift God had given me because I became focused on what I didn't seem to understand, rather than stay focused on God's purpose for his gifts.  I had let a relationship become a religion as I became consumed with not being able to live up to God's standards and slip back into the legalistic ways of my past.  All of these things that God could use for good, Satan had found ways to slip in and play his role.  He was gaining and seemed to be winning.  However, God never lets go of those he pursues.  He will place people to be intercessors.  He will pursue your heart.  He will offer his diving appointments and opportunities for continued healing and freedom.  Layer by layer he peels away the old stuff and exposes the new.  He will place you in the mud to let you wrestle or to accept his cleansing and purification.  I don't typically enjoy the process, but I sure enjoy the freedom and the feeling afterward.  I value the lessons once I learn them, and hope to continue to work on taking more notes and writings of the process.  Typically, it is through writing that God has a way of showing and revealing so to me that he wants me to see.  Then there are times he blesses me with the opportunity of my lessons being a blessing to others.  It can only happen when I allow him to clear my eyes, open my ears, and expose my heart in a transparent way before him.

I came home refreshed but exhausted.  I was tired, yet I was still feeling the excitement of freedom.  I didn't expect to wake in the middle of the night like I had been, but I did around 2:00.  I was experiencing a hot flash or something and coming out of the dream of reliving the moments with God.  I don't typically get them as intense as I did last night as I felt like my whole body was on fire.  I remember waking up and seeing a thickness of angels floating all around.  They were practically on top of each other.  I felt so peaceful.  I felt so protected.  It felt so angelic.  There was such reverence with them in the apartment, but mostly my room as that is where I could see them.  I sensed their presence everywhere though.  As I laid and just basked in the angelic presence, it was just confirmation, that I had found and received my breakthrough.  It took me over an hour before I would be able to go back to sleep, but the rest of the night seemed to just be peaceful and uneventful for a change.

I would greet my day and found myself engaging in spontaneous worship with Melissa Helser.  He would give me this vision of him pouring his oil over me.  There was also water as he showed me water can have two opposing forces.  One of great destruction and another of that of a calming and massaging effect.  He poured the oil first as it would draw the impurities to the surface, but act as a protective barrier and repellent to other things and forces from entering and destroying or causing chaos in the mind.  I realized the importance of his daily oil, to shield, protect, and repel what could be the destructive waters of Satan rather than the cleansing waters of God.  I feel like I was also shown how when we are not careful, something that could be from God could also be Satan to get us where he wants us till he has gained more control of a particular area in our life.  There is a verse that comes to mind in 1 Peter 5:8-9 that talks about being alert and mindful for Satan walks around looking for who he can devour.  It then says to stand firm and strong in your faith.  When we are not mindful and vigilant or even strong in our faith, we become easily deceived and an easy target to be devoured by Satan and his forces.  We must know what fire we are walking into and who is in the fire with us so that we don't get burned or consumed.  

So many lessons being played through my mind today, it almost seems hard to capture them all.  God is faithful to continue the work he started.  He is faithful to pursue the ones he loves as long as we allow him.  He provided those that would be the planks to build the bridge, then when the time was right, he provided those who would be willing to walk through and build the bridge to continue on to healing and freedom. 

Come Away With Me Prophetic Word

4-13-19 

Come away with me and sit awhile.  Let me take you and show you a glimpse of my hand of love at work.  I am planting you by streams of living water.  Rest while you drink in my presence.  I have brought you out of the dry desert that was a valley of dry barren bones.  I am planting you firmly as a plan of redemption will continue to unfold before your eyes.  Those weeds of losses were necessary and painful, but I allowed everything that happened for a greater purpose that is yet to unfold.  What the cankerworm has stolen I am beginning to replace with things that are so much greater that only I could do. 

I have waited and pursued you with an unconditional dying love and patience.  I take great delight in all the ways you are beginning to see my love at work.  I am doing a new thing that is far greater than you can imagine.  I am rewriting your story and creating a new beautiful masterpiece from the brokenness.  This is a process that will transform over time.  I am working and removing all that will hinder my plan for your life; those things that get in my way to make room for the better I will give and replace.  I will take you through times of cleansing the impurities that have entered in and give you times of complete rest in my presence. 

The more you rest in my presence and trust my plan the better.   It will be difficult to continue to work on letting go and letting me have all the control, but my promises and plans are greater.  Don’t get discouraged and don’t look back.  Everything will be lessons and refinement to the beauty that I am working in your life.  So come rest by the water edge and see the great and mighty things I will continue to do.