Who is your Author?

12-31-21

We all hear about how our life is like that of a book.  Each day we live and the things we go through write our story and have great potential to grow us or destroy us.  We have all have an author for our book.  It is up to us to choose the author.  We must choose wisely how we listen to the words in which will be written.  If we are not careful, the author we prefer may become replaced by the thoughts that consume our mind.  If we are not careful about what is about to be written, those thoughts become actions that flow from the author’s pen. 

Jeremiah 29:11 says, “For I know the plans and thoughts that I have for you, says the Lord, plans for peace and well-being and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” AMP  He wants to be our full-time author of our story.  He is patient and kind but will never force himself to write our story.  We must trust what will flow from the tip of his pen to the pages of our life.  Even when we allow the pen to be handed over to the thoughts and words of Satan our Papa just waits to be handed back the pen so that he can continue writing.  We must make the choice to hand it to him through repentance.  He then takes the pen and cleans it off with His Son's bloodshed on the cross.

There will be times as the pages turn that those pages get marked and smudged with tears or even dirt from the hurt of our life.  They may even become tattered and torn.  He invites us to sit with him as he writes so that we can share the pages of our story together.  It is a necessary process because he will only write what we grant the thoughts He gives us to be written.  There will be chapters and versions of our already written book we may release or want to be released.  However, there will also be times where we will be placed on the shelf and as our author needs to edit our story.  He may also take us through preparation training for something greater, he wants to write.  There is no shame in being shelved, while revisions and reviews are being done about what was once written or needs to be rewritten.  He desires to replace some of the torn and tattered pages and give beautiful new pages to our book.  He only desires to write the best story, but we must fully give him control of the pen of our life and allow him to make revisions and beauty out of all the pages both past and present.

Value of a Pearl

9-26-21

Pearls represent wisdom gained through experience.  They are produced by a living organism because of injury or irritant brought into them.  It begins by forming a layer with a nacre—mother-of-pearl around the irritant.  This is done by secretion of a mineral as well as a protein.  It is in the chemical combination of the two we not only see the strength but the lustrous beauty that comes from the pearl.  It is out of pain and suffering beauty is formed and can become a gem of great worth.  It is only in the depths that such things of value are formed. 

As I thought about all of this and the process, I realized how we are formed by hard irritants, pains, and sufferings of life.  The beauty part can only happen if we are chemically mixed by the grace and blood of Jesus.  It is his blood that produces the lustrous beauty from what we have experienced.  Just like with the pearl it is a process that develops over a period of time.

I continued in my thoughts about how the value of the pearl is only really appreciated by the one who sees and values its worth.  Some pearls are found in groups, some found single and alone within its shell source.  Some are of such different colors, even rarity such a black pearl.  The black pearl is only found and developed by a special type of oyster and only in a certain part of the world.  Its rarity is said to hold greater value.  Imagine how different it may look to find a black pearl among pure white or iridescent pearls.  One might without knowledge think it doesn’t fit in or could be of lesser value because it is so different from the rest.

I stopped to ponder for a moment and found myself asking this question.  Do we see the value in the pearl?  Do we see value in the people we don’t know, but especially the ones we do know?  What about the ones that are much different than us?  Do they hold greater value, less value, or no value at all?  Do we hold any value to the clam, oyster, etc. that went through much pain and suffering to form the pearl?  What value do we give or what worth do we find? 

Once a pearl is harvested or collected the clam, oyster, etc. must die for the pearl to be extracted.  Much like things of our past must die for our value to become of worth.  For the pearl once extracted to show its worth, it must be cleaned up and polished with great care.  Its care must also be maintained and valued to hold its value.  It must be protected from the abrasives and corrosive materials of life outside of the shell.

Some may see the outside of a shell of someone and see they may hold something much greater within, but do they really see the value of the gem hidden deep inside?  Do they help get the gem extracted, polish it, and nurture it with the actions of Christ?  If we are not careful our actions can be abrasive or corrosive to pearls of great value.  If we are not careful, in how we treat others, the value of a pearl extracted can become a pearl of little worth.  If we truly see the value of others, how are we treating and caring for them or each other or even ourselves?  Do we see ourselves as pearls? 

Matthew 7:6 says, “Don’t waste what is holy on people who are unholy.  Don’t throw your pearls to the pigs!  They will trample the pearls, then turn and attack you.”  If we see God’s treasure in others despite them being different, we must be careful by our actions with others we are not casting them to the pigs to be trampled and devalued. 

Just like there is a process and time involved for a pearl to be formed, extracted, polished, etc. it is the same for people.  There is a process to truly exposing and discovering the beauty and value of a pearl.  We must realize this same concept with people.  They may be the different black pearl in a bowl full of white pearls, but they still hold a value that sometimes just needs time to shine and be discovered, not buried, or thrown to the pigs.  We may truly find how valuable they are, especially in the eyes of Christ if we treat them with care, compassion, empathy, kindness, and love to name a few.  We may need to let them rest in a bowl and let the glisten of the sun shining through an open window, expose some depth of their beauty.  We may need to pull them out and sit and hold them in our hand, and carefully wipe away the words, and things of life that could cause them damage.  We are all pearls waiting to be discovered.  We have already been discovered by our Father.  Do we value those he has placed in our lives, see and nurture value, or do we carelessly toss them in a jar and put them on a shelf maybe to be forgotten?   Or do we carelessly throw them like scraps to the pigs because they don’t shine and fit into our circle?

There is so much division and lost and dying relationships that have occurred over this past year.  Many of us may have either thrown pearls (relationships, words, actions, etc.) to the pigs, or we have failed to see the value and polish and hold what we have been given.

Matthew 14:45-46 says “Again the Kingdom of Heaven is like a merchant on the lookout for choice pearls.  When he discovered a pearl of great value, he sold everything he owned and bought it!”  I think these verses say so much that if we value what we see in others, that we must sell some of our time, idols, etc. to truly appreciate and cultivate the value of what we can hold in our hands.

On A Date With Jesus

7-26-21

Saturday, I was having a conversation with my brother about what a relationship and intimacy was supposed to look like.  At the end of the conversation, we together let God give us a word that would be connected somehow.  I heard the phrase “Date Me”.  I then stumbled upon a notification that I might be interested in dating Jesus that a group (I was not part of) was having and having a date night in just two hours from when I saw the email notification from FB.  Now keep in mind that I basically cut many things and friends out this past week including FB to focus on Jesus and find different ways for me to try to see what he says about me, the trauma-based identity, and complex stress and decisions regarding the divorce I am in.

I had also practiced putting aside formal type prayers and learned to sit on the couch while he sat in the chair across from me and have out loud casual friend-type conversation.  This was huge trying to break a legalistic religion-type mentality.  I had told him and also shared with someone else that I wanted to start preparing food (snacks etc) and beverages (coffee preferably) for him to share with me.

So after finding (being led), connecting, and listening last night in this group it was confirmation.  Confirmation that he would take me on a journey of learning relationship and dating, free from what I have always known and feared.

Fast forward I get up Sunday morning and just took time relaxing, sitting, and enjoying the idea of just dating Jesus or realizing this deeper revelation of truly having a friend.  His voice was so clear again as he said let’s go on a date.  What?!  Really?!  I got so excited.  I put on makeup and dressed my face up a bit.  I never wear makeup!  I felt so special and pretty.  The last time I put makeup on was for a court hearing a few years ago.  

I was also anxious as I never do anything or go anywhere by myself so since it’s just me I rarely leave my apartment.  I replied back “okay, but you have to keep me safe and give me courage.”  That he did!  I asked him where we were going.  He knew I wanted to see the ghost plant or Indian pipe flowers.  I had never seen them before but heard they were out and blooming.

I connect so much through creation.  The beauty of it all is my love language.  We drove north about 10 minutes to an environmental education park.  I made sure to pack some snacks and water for us both and buckle him in the passenger seat of my car.  I took my camera and everywhere I looked there was an element of beauty and detail in so many things.  I am not sure how many pictures I took today.  I played some music that focused on him as a father or his goodness.  I could feel his hand touch my shoulder at times and say here look at this.  I got to pet a bumblebee watch butterflies flutter in the prairie.  The walk would continue to lead us to the forest area where I expressed to him how much I wanted to find the ghost plant flowers.  He replied, “I know, just keep listening and watching.  I will point them out.”  He didn’t disappoint.  I should have asked to not be kissed and loved by so many mosquitoes. We shared so much casual conversation back and forth.  

We eventually finished the walk and headed back to the car, where I retrieved the waters and snacks as he pointed out a bench for us to go sit down for a while.  We had the best time.  He told me he enjoyed our time.  He treated me so special.  He enjoyed what I enjoyed and without criticism or mockery of my excitement.  We laughed, we cried, we talked, we shared, and simply put just enjoyed each other's company.  He kept expressing to me in so many ways how special I was and how much he just simply enjoyed me and my date time with him.  I expressed it back as well.  It is so hard to just put it into words.  I could hear and feel just like I would imagine I could see, hear, and feel a close friend or relative.  It was so genuine.

We would eventually leave and he told me to turn right to go up the road a ways to a spot at the lake I have enjoyed at the local state park.  Typically I would turn left to go home.  I was again so glad I did.  I captured more photos and even got some beautiful photos of some swallowtail butterflies.  I noticed some very unique birds nest made underneath the bridge overpass.  We would eventually rest a few minutes watching the sailboats and listening to the water lap the shoreline.  We would finish our walk by taking another walk into the woods.  

As we were finishing our walk (still in the woods) I shared how much I enjoyed the day and our time together.  How loved and appreciated I felt.  How much fun it was having someone to share time with that enjoyed what I enjoyed.  Just as we were getting ready to leave the woods he says look down.  There was the brightest red-topped heart-shaped mushroom!    A little beyond that was a brown-shaped mushroom.  Two hearts of love in his fingerprint and plan for our beautiful day.

I cannot tell you when the last time I enjoyed my day let alone by myself; but not really because I was on a date with Jesus.

Cicadas

 

Cicadas

June 17, 2019

So I have been thinking a lot about cicadas and the lives of broken people.

Cicadas hide in the ground much like that of people wanting to hide from the shame they carry inside.  They live in the ground as a means of protecting themselves from the world.  They remain there for 17 years only to come out in a quest to fulfill a deeper need.  They make a bunch of noise, they want to be heard, they want to be recognized.  All this to gain the achievement and satisfaction to fill a void that will ultimately lead to their death.

Broken people spend time hiding and masking their deep pain.  They become exhausted in the efforts of hiding their pain and shame till they begin to search for a different quest to cover and fill their need.  They make a lot of noise in their actions or words through means of addictions, etc. only to risk death whether physical, spiritual, or emotional.

How many cicadas know the destruction they are facing?  How many broken people just looking for real honest love and healing realize their same destruction?

Yes, death is inevitable to the cicada, but death doesn’t have to be inevitable for broken people.  We all can show love, speak life, and do a random act of kindness without judgment or conditions.  Broken people much like the cicada want to be heard, but deep down they want to be recognized to be loved and accepted in all circumstances.  Love leads them to the path of forgiveness and healing.

The Blooming Onion

 

1-29-21

The Blooming Onion

I have recently been opening up and expressing some thoughts about going through a difficult season.  After church last night, in casual conversation I opened up a little more and asked if I would be able to seek some help at some point for processing or helping me deal with it.  We stopped right there and in prayer through the power of the Holy Spirit just left him to deal with it.  After experiencing some deliverance, there was such a release and lightweight feeling to all that I had been carrying.  I had finally felt an undeniable peace about all things; about myself.

I came home exhausted but just consumed by peace.  I could hardly sleep but in the process of the insomnia God was speaking to my heart.  One of the things he showed me and talked to me about was a blooming onion.  Walk with me through this process as we uncover what he shared with me about life and freedom through discipleship and deliverance.

Onions come from the ground and dirt.  The longer they remain in the dirt and mud, the bigger they grow.  We are much like onions.  We end up in the dirt and mud of life through choices of our own, or not of our own.  This can happen through a variety of means we don’t need to get into now.  The longer we stay there the bigger and more layers our onion develops. 

One day, God finds a way for our onion to be dug up and uncovered.  He asks us to let him wash the dirt off our life.  His washing of our life is through the shedding of his blood.  Then he asks us to shed that outer dry protective layer of the onion through his water baptism.  Then the next layer is revealed with a little bit of a thicker brown that seems to be a little tougher skin but still somewhat fragile.  This happens through the baptism of the Holy Spirit and his indwelling in us for the revelation needed for what he will walk and carry us through.  Then lastly comes a much tougher layer of the onion that needs to be peeled away before the worth of the onion is left exposed.  This process is through deliverance.  It is a necessary step to shed that tough layered protective skin off that holds those many things that grew the many layers of our onion of life.  It is the door that demonic spirits settled in through to strengthen the burning juices of the onion that can bring us to tears.  He simply is saying let me get things out of the way so that we can work layer by layer through the raw vulnerable onion.  Let me shed these things I am showing you.  I want to show you how the pungency of your onion become something sweet and desired.

After showing me these necessary steps, my thoughts questioned my struggles at times and this realization that I may or may not find other thicker layers growing within.  Why do I find myself struggling so much at times?  Why do new things get brought to the surface?  I was reminded again, the symbolic meaning of onions having layers and God will uncover those different layers.  We may even have more than onion in our garden that needs dug up and uncovered.

It is in these whole raw pungent onions being exposed through watery eyes and even tears he is revealing what these layers represent that he wants to cut and peel away at.  We may even find ourselves in a more vulnerable hurting place as he picks up his knife and begins to cut and carve our onion through the core, but still leaving us intact for a different purpose.  Those cuts, and pungent aromas of tear-filled aromatic juices that sting our eyes and our soul and we beg for his surgical knife not to hurt and sting so bad.  He quietly says but I have great plans for what I am doing, and my hand and eyes are in this.  He is making us into a blooming onion.

He takes us so far in this painful process.  He lets us rest and then bathes and clothes us with his love.  He knows the next steps needed will be even harder, because of the heat we will need to face.  Much like the onion.  It gets carved and left to rest while the batter is prepared.  It then gets dipped and bathed in the batter before facing the hot oil or oven.

I was then reminded of the song, “There is another in the fire”.  He never leaves when we are placed in the fire.  He is in there and watching us.  He is using the fire to refine and sweeten us in his love.  He is removing the pungency from our lives.  He lets us go in the fire to soften our hearts for his heart.

When the onion is done cooking it is removed and left to rest while served with a dipping sauce.  He presents us as a sweet blooming onion to continue to be dipped in another taste of his love but this time we are served to others through the gifts and sweetness he has given through the petals of understanding, love, and the compassion that have come about from our life. 

A raw onion, by itself, may not be the most appealing and may seem a bit repulsive.  If we let him peel and work through those layers through pain and tears and hard raw moments of exposure, he will be able to turn our onion from raw and pungent to delightfully sweet and tasty of his goodness.