When I first contemplated fasting and the decision and sacrifice I wanted to make according to my terms little did I know that my sacrifice was not about me and my views with God, but what God had to show me about him and his views of me.
I had started a fast with the plan of having and experiencing this marvelous spiritual breakthrough. I am going to map out my outline and plan and this is what I believe and expect will happen as a result. Little did I know that what I thought was to be learned and was different than the lesson plans of God. I learned a deeper appreciation for sacrifice and yet a yearning for something more.
As I sit back and reflect at the lessons learned so far, I can only pause and ask the Lord if my time of fasting is complete as I have learned so much about the concept of it is not about my will or plans but his will and plans. I have come to learn more about what it means to rest and the value and lessons that are learned from resting. I have come to find that in those quiet moments of desperation, my very dependence of my creator and the appreciation and value of each breath I take. I also realized that there are points when our Father who is so loving and gracious brings us to a point in our lives when there is no where else to turn and no where else to go and no other plans to be made, that he has so much to show us and teach us that we may others wise have never had the opportunity to experience or learn. The true essence of the value of perserverence.
Perserverence. The eloquent art of overcoming defeat. The driving force of continually move forward when our human mind would rather tell us differently. The digging deeper of oneself when even when there seems to be nothing left to dig. It is the art of learning to create a new bigger and better picture of oneself or situation when all seemed to be creating a picture of something much less. What a lesson I have only truly begun to learn. The learning driving force or fighting a true battle that is in it to win it.
Then there is rest. The type of rest that is shown so that we can take time to slow down and learn such valuable quality principles that can only be learned when we slow down the chaos and business of our lives and the world in which we live. The learning to hear the voice of the father as well as learning to hear and listen to ourselves. The time to bring to the forefront all that may weigh on our hearts and minds that we carry. The time to bring it to the cross and leave it there. Just as I so often reminded myself of the scripture that says "Come to me all you that are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest." The rest that cannot come nor be found anywhere else.
Sacrifice and addiction. Addictions that can tend to consume so many areas of our lives. Addictions that can rob us of our priorities and focus on God and our relationship with him. Addictions that rob us of our children, our spouses, and those that we may connect with from day to day. Addictions that can be hidden until we seek and pray and ask for a revelation of the addictions. I realize more and more how easy it is to fall into a trap of pure distractions. Distractions that once again rob us of the things and relationships that we should hold so dear. The relationship with our Father, the relationship with our spouse, the relationship with our children, our friends and family and the list could go on. What is it that I am building? A need for my own personal satisfaction of distraction or a need to be part of building and blessing the relationships of that which I can have the privilege of developing and building. Yes, I knew Facebook was a sacrifice of something I so thoroughly enjoyed but little did I realize how much I had to learn from my experience away. I have come to some hard terms of reality when it is time to rejoin my community. A time of necessary clean up that we periodically must do in all facets of life. Whether it be our homes, our minds, our hearts, or our relationships. All is important in the eyes of our father as we continually learn to become the wonderful masterpiece of who he wants us to be.
Lastly, I had tossed around in my mind about my begrugged attitude of misconceived promises of New Year's Resolutions. The I heard the topic about picking on word for yourself for the year that God would give you to work on and teach you. I had toyed and tossed the idea around in my head thinking what is my word. I was so stuck on the phrase of "It is better to have one thing and do a little than to have three things and do nothing." There is so much that can be done when we focus on just one thing. Once again, I realized there were so many areas that I seen God using my sicknesses and health as valuable teaching lessons. That trued point of desperation. However, satan always at work seen it as an opportunity as well. What I learned was that when we continue to seek him he will reveal what he wants to show us and teach us. I soon realized that my point of desperate misery I had become consumed in every facet of where I was and how stuck I was and how miserable I felt and how much I felt like I couldn't do versus what I had and what I could still do. Satan had taken advantage that is for sure, but God taught me so much more. Taught me to recognize, learn to move on, and be grateful for the lesson learned rather than the consumption of self pity.
So my word... Consumed! Learning to recognize what consumes me and pray and ask for guidance, wisdom, and strength to change. Then turn and shift my focus on and towards what I desire to be consumed with. The consuming power or the Holy Spirit. The consuming desire of a deeper relationship of my heavenly Father who I desire to come to know more personally.
I can only continue to seek him first and wait for the continuing leading and directing on the continued steps of my journey ahead.
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