Humbled Repentance

6-26-20

Today I faced a fear I had unknowingly developed of facing God with my fears.  I had become afraid of the very one who I needed to help me with my fears.  Shame found its way in through open doors.  God had still been quietly speaking and leading me to things that I would need to grab my heart.  He was also using those things as a way to not let go of a deep desire and pursuance for him and his truths my heart seeks and hungers for.

As I found my self releasing into a place of humble worship tears began to flow as I acknowledged and poured my heart out before him.  There were times the thoughts and areas of repentance would be stuck in my head wondering how I could verbally and audibly express my heart to him.  Then he ushered me into a place of praying in the Spirit.  I repeated the same phrase over and over as these areas I needed to release came to mind.  What I realized was what I didn't and couldn't express His Spirit expressed for me.

While in this moment, he brought back a vision he had given me once before standing under a showerhead as it sprinkled blood down over my head and body.  What would pour as blood would become clear and clean as it touched my body.  I was now able to fully step into His presence as he would reveal areas of the mountain cave he pulled me back into.

I could not see what I needed to see without being in the secret place of His presence.  I had allowed myself to rebuild a protective wall between me and the Father based on Satan and his demons at work.  My fear was the raging storms around me as he was asking me to walk on the water to Him.  However, I let this wall that represented so many things be built blocking not only my view but my ability to reach Him.  I, like Peter, was sinking.  I failed to trust and see him amid everything around me.

As I came into His presence and allowed him to show me things I missed in the deep dark area of this mountain, I found myself finding and realizing the value of the gems he has in my life.  The value and love of friendships.  The value of discovering laughter again.  Prophets and prophetess he would lead me to gain nuggets of truth and revelation.  Preachers and teachers that would drop their own revelations of truth, calling me to face before the father.  The details and delicate intricacies of bugs.  Bugs that seem to be so unappreciated and more of an annoyance at times yet play such a valuable unrecognized role in our ecosystem created by a loving Father who thought of everything.  

If he puts so much worth and detail into bugs, how much more does he put into me?  Mankind may not find bugs and many people appreciated or of value because of the struggle we face to be willing to look beyond what we cannot see.  God who created and sees all did not forget one single detail or value of worth.  Not just for bugs but for me and you.  How are we seeing others he created?  Do we see them as valuable to God or do we see them and their brokenness as an annoyance to creation?  Do we stop to complain and cast them aside or do we put ourselves aside and commit to praying and asking God what is our part in showing his love to broken, scared, and dying world?

When I entered into his presence humbled and willing to be exposed he was able to turn on his light in the dark places of my heart while he showed me the beauty in the dark places I would have missed.  Without a ray of his light shining in the dark, I cannot see the diamonds.  What am I leaving behind for me and for him, by not allowing his light to shine in the dark, cold, scary places of life?

Road Construction

6-21-2020

Yesterday as I drove through an area of road construction I have been finding myself driving through quite a bit lately, God used it to speak to my heart.  

What I noticed is how sometimes we can be traveling along the road of life and all of a sudden our lives are found in the mess of the road construction God needs to do in our heart.  He says I need to slow or even halt some things for a bit so that I can tear up and remove those things that are ineffective or no longer useful.  Let me do the work though it may be brutal that is needed so that I can repair and replace those damaged parts with something stronger, better, and cleaner that can be used for my purpose.  Be patient while I am at work in your life.  You will soon see the end road work sign.  Please take heed that this permission to catch up to speed with life is not permission to forget that I am still at work on the sidelines and behind the scenes.  Please continue to travel with awareness and caution for my work and presence.  I am always working to provide safety and guidance as well as repairs as you travel the roads of life with me.

Victory Ahead

6-11-20

I who the one who began the good work in you will be faithful in keeping my promise to see it to completion.  Continue to hold onto this promise.  This work which I have started is a process.  It is a process that also comes with many lessons along the way.  It is also a process that will take you through times of house cleaning the areas of your heart.  It is a process that will increase the growth in your life.  It is a process that will continue to build and prepare you for the greater work I will have you do.  It is most importantly a process I want you to learn to draw into deeper intimacy with me.  This intimacy will be the basis for everything else.  Don't be ashamed of the areas of your heart and life I am cleaning.  Learn to embrace them and see them with the beauty I am creating.  Don't be afraid of the battles I am calling you to face.  You can only see the victory when the battle is won.  Look ahead at what is to come, not in front of what you may see.  When you remember to see the beauty of the victory ahead, you remember to cling and see my presence in everything.  Hold tighter to my hand and my promises as I am the one who strengthens and builds you through the battle.  I protect you with my armor and provide you with the weapons you need.  So again, look forward to the victory knowing that I have begun the work I am calling you to go through and I will be faithful to complete my work so that you will receive the gift of the victory won through me.

He Knows My Name

6-1-20

A walk down memory lane to a theme song on a popular TV show called Cheers talked about your name being known.  Let's visit the lyrics to part of this popular theme song for just a moment.

Sometimes you want to go

Where everybody knows your name,

And they're always glad you came;

You want to be where you can see,

Our troubles are all the same;

You want to be where everybody knows your name.

I think every one of us at some point in our life past present or future desires to be known and known by our name.   I think being known as a child our desire as an adult would be that we would be known by our name with good morals and character.  However, time passes, and our name that seems to somehow write a picture of our identity changes.  Some go on living and leaving a legacy of a good name, while others not so much.  Our lives write a story about our name.  We probably all have met someone in our life, who has a name meshed in their memory that may not bring necessarily a good name, yet as an individual, there is a desire for recognition for their name to be known and hopes for their troubles to be the same or if but for a moment be forgotten.

Life has a way of bringing people in and out of our lives.  Our name may be remembered by some and forgotten by others.  However, there is one who knows your name.  He knew your name while in your grandmother's womb.  He handpicked and chose you.  He shows many examples through the Bible of how he knew their names and also says, I know your name.  In Isaiah 41 he says I have chosen you and will not throw you away.  Think about it!  You and your name are so important to him and he hand chose you to never cast you away or forget your name.  Then in chapter 43 he again makes it more clear by specifically say I have called you by name; you are mine!  We and our name belong to him.  Our name is valued by him.  In chapter 49 he again reminds us of our importance by saying I called you from within the mother's womb and called us by name.  

There is something about someone recognizing and calling our name that gives a sense of identity and even purpose.  What type of name-calling are we listening for?  Are we listening to our specific name that identifies us?  What is our name saying about us?  Are we stopping to realize that our importance and value is so great to our Father that he has known us from within our grandmother's womb our name and will never forget it?  There is a striking concept to realize the importance and value of who we are by being known and not forgotten by our name?  He calls our name.  He watches over us and warns us of what is ahead if we listen when he calls our name.  He calls our name and says come sit on the bench or on my lap because I know your name and your troubles are the same to me.  I feel what you feel, so let's sit and share about it because I know your name.  Our name is so important to him.  He won't force us to share the identity of our name with him, but it brings him great delight when we allow the name he has chosen for us to be shared with him who gave us our name.  Will you share your name with him?  Will your name be shared intimately and with his purpose by the one who knows you?  Our name is being called, but it is up to us what we let our name write and be shared about us.  It is never too late, to let your name write a different story about you.  I am one of those, who chose to let my name be a name of redemption and change.  A name that I would want to be known by.  Just as the sheep know the shepherd's voice, so must we know the voice of the one who calls our name.

Am I Enough

5-29-20

I have recently been tossing the question of "Am I Enough" in my mind.  I thought about it again, asking God in a subtle quiet way to show me some thoughts on this subject.

So often those who have gone through abuse or abandonment of some form go through processing this question in their mind.  There becomes' this search and quest for acceptance and identity.  I am coming to realize there is a big difference in being enough and doing enough.  We can never do enough to earn the favor of God or repay him for what he has done or given to us.  However, we are enough for him, because he created us and formed us in his image.  He handpicked and crafted us with our own fingerprint and design.  We are enough because he delights in us and our presence with him.  

Our past and our scars don't determine our being enough to him.  He sees past the hurt, the past sins, the scars, the broken shattered pieces and dust of our lives, and sees us as something beautiful he crafted with his own hands.  Someone he handpicked for a purpose to one day share his story of goodness and love.

He simply asks that we cross the bridge from the forest of our past, and walk into the meadow of his presence and peace.  He is sitting on the bench underneath the shade of a tree waiting for you to accept his presence of being enough.  The one who invites you to sit with him and relish in the love of his grace and goodness.  He delights in park bench conversations to tell you that he delights in you.  To tell you he loves you.  To tell you that you are simply enough the way you are.  When you ask what about my ugly scars, he simply asks what scars.  I see beyond your scars to the rare beautiful gems hidden inside you.  Those gems that glisten with excitement and delight in what he values and created with his purpose and plan of good things for your life.  

He says what you see as broken and shattered I see as a beautiful masterpiece.  I see the artistry that will tell and share a story of my goodness to others.  A story only you can understand and share with others.  A story of God's grace, love, and redemption.  So the concluding answer to a question that I and maybe others ask of "Am I Enough?" is simply Yes, You Are Enough!