The Groom Is Waiting

7-5-20

My quiet devotional time with Jesus did not occur until much later on in the day, like afternoon time.  The day just seemed to be off to a rather unusual start of the day full of distractions.  Today was different once I sat down with him.  I got caught in this captivated moment as I realized I am learning how to express heartfelt love, humbleness before God.  The aspect of learning how to tell him I love him and the admiration of him that brought me to my knees with streams of tears flowing out my eyes and down my cheeks before him.  The place that just takes you into that secret place with him.

As I was sitting thinking about it, thoughts come into my mind as I found myself in this aspect of satan giving me this thought of finding frustration at the people in my life.  Those people who will say something that will never follow through.  The ones who say something because they think it will make you feel better or give you a false hope to hold onto for just a little longer.  A promise that will never be fulfilled and you just know as you watch the patterns repeat themselves.  Then there is another aspect of excuse after excuse.

Then I quickly got caught in the moment of telling God I did not like this place in my heart and the feelings it stirs and the frustrations.  Clear as anything he says back to me, "Have you ever stopped to think that is what you do to me?"   Make excuses, make promises, and maybe have half good intentions of yea I will do it.  Do I really do it, or get serious about it?

Up until lately as he is taking me into this deeper spot and intimacy with him, I have been realizing the importance of that secret place and deeper intimacy with him.  I realized God doesn't get agitated when I make excuses for why I don't spend time with him.  He just sits there and waits.  I am sure he gets disappointed, but he doesn't make promises he won't keep.  He doesn't make a promise just because he thinks it will make me happy and make me shut up.  Then I turn and do the same thing to him.  I think we all can if we are completely honest with ourselves.  I was so humbled and could only say, "God, I am so sorry."  Let me just be aware.  As I just sit in his presence completely aware, I could only just say thank you over and over.  I just sat there taking it all in with the worship music in the background.  I found myself putting my own words in the worship songs playing as a way of personal expression to him.

As I continued to sit in worship with him and my eyes closed I got this vision of a little girl who was playing out in the field in the dirt.  She was all dirty and soiled in her pretty white dress.  As she got up she decided she was going to start dancing and frolicking through the field.  As she was, she was just singing and praising.  I could not tell what she was saying, singing, or praising.  She was so happy, grateful, and joyful just singing her praises of joyful songs.  As she was dancing and frolicking about her dress became whiter and the dirt just disappeared.  

As I am watching her go, she keeps going and going along in a progression of this little girl into this young bride.  As she is this young adult ends up finding this path, that leads to this grand cathedral with doors open and finely dressed guards on both sides as that of what you would see at a royal wedding.  

As she approaches and realizes she slows down her frolic and realizes she is this young adult.  It is almost as if she realizes she can't contain herself.  She approaches and they swing open the doors, and she goes in and she spots her groom at the end and it is Jesus.  She is standing there in white and both their arms are wide open and she just bolts and runs towards him.  There was this huge embrace as a celebration just erupted.  Then the thought crossed my mind of I have found the one who I waited so long for.  I later realize that in Song of Solomon 3:4 it says, "I have found the one who my soul loves."

I find myself in this position of God help me to trust you, but trust means I have to let go.  Trust means I have to be willing to say I am sorry.   I have to have faith in what I can't see until that is revealed, knowing that it is going to be something so much grander than what I can even imagine.  The love of this groom and the embrace was not something I could say I could ever connect with or have experienced before.  

I still find myself caught up in how do I express or adequately describe the experience of such a revelation in the midst of what can seem like utter chaos.  I find myself getting caught up in these moments of frustrations and disappointments.  It merely starts with this thought of disappointment and if I continue to dwell on disappointment then it turns to frustration, then frustration leads to the next thing, and the next, and the next thing.  Before you know it you're angry and have unforgiveness in your heart.  God was so quick to say here is this thought, but let's also turn it around and look at it from his perspective.  I was so humbled.  I realized it was Satan who was trying to plant the thought there.  It goes back to the saying what Satan means for evil God will use for good.  It can start with just those thoughts.  There was something about the fact that when it tried to enter, it couldn't stand or stay in God's presence.    It was being stirred, but it could not stand or stay because of being in his presence.  In his name, Satan wasn't able to remain.  Satan wasn't able to take hold.  There is such revelation, power, and truth when we come and dwell in the secret place of the most high.  Our groom.  Our beloved.